The rescuer had told me that Charlie lived with a man who adored him for 15 of his 20 years. That the man took Charlie everywhere and then passed away. The man's wife couldn't handle Charlie and turned him over to rescue. He went to a home with a couple and was attached to the man, but then the woman developed allergy problems and had to rehome Charlie. She told me that Charlie simply prefers men, will step up for men, but not for women. She explained that he was "stick trained" though and that she and other women could move Charlie from place to place with a stick. Also, if Charlie flies off and lands on the ground, he is willing to step up to her to be "rescued".
I asked her to show me Charlie with the stick training. It was clear right away that he wasn't comfortable with the stick. He would move as far away as possible with the stick. He wasn't really "stick trained", he would just eventually get on it once he got sick of trying to escape it. I asked her to put it away.
I wasn't able to hold Charlie that day, but I made the decision to adopt him anyway. He wasn't downright aggressive with women, just not his preference. I can live with that.
Fast forward six weeks. Charlie loves Rick and Rick loves Charlie. Rick holds Charlie every day and can pick him up, scratch his head and put him away for me when I can't get him. He has told me he loves Charlie.
I have been working on training with Charlie. He has stepped up for me so many times I lost count. Sure, he steps up for my husband much more readily and the relationship that he has with Charlie comes much easier, but who cares? I am 100% willing to do some investing in my relationship with this parrot. He also steps onto a stick for me, but I have not yet progressed to moving the stick, he has just stepped up with the stick remaining still and in position.
So, why, do you think that after at least 15 years of refusing to step up for women, does Charlie step up for me? The reason that my relationship is progressing with Charlie this way is that 1) I am training him with positive reinforcement. This means that I use food to reinforce good behavior but also that pairing of food with me contributes to Charlie having a good feeling about me, 2) Whenever Charlie does step up, I do NOT remove my hand from where he is standing so he always has the choice to go back to where he was and feel safe and 3) I do not force, pressure or push Charlie, at all, ever. When I am working with him, he always has plenty of space to move away. This part is really the key. He is learning that I will not "make him" do anything. I respect his choice and his wishes. I listen to him when he says, "I'd rather not" or "Not now" and for that reason, he is comfortable spending time with me and offering to step up when he is ready and comfortable.
When working with an animal that is worried, fearful, concerned or uncomfortable, the most important thing that you can do, besides pairing the scary thing with something good, is to let them choose. Give the animal some control of their body and give them some choice. The power of choice goes a very long way.
